The hard stuff

Lots of hard stuff comes along with our new adventure. We are going to miss our friends and family that live in this area dearly. Although the hardest part for me when we started thinking about moving to Spokane wasn't being farther away from people we love, leaving jobs, or everything we know, it was my Mom. It sounds silly since she is no longer here, but that's the part that breaks my heart. I can remember her in this house, I can see her and feel her in our house. Everything in our house reminds me of her and the thought of leaving felt awful. But in some ways it's like that everyday, the kids do something new and continue to grow and I feel the same way, cheated and awful that she's not here to see it. Everyday more time grows between when she was here and gone, so each day hurts a little too. Most days I try not to think about it but it still sneaks up on me especially when life gets crazy. But I have this feeling (sixth sense) that my mom knows I need her around the most so she hangs around (so to speak) to make me feel better. That's what mom's are for right? Not that I believe in ghosts because I don't and they scare me, but I just have a feeling that she is here for me. And I have to believe that feeling won't go away just because we move. In fact I think she's rooting for us and ready for an adventure.
This Carry Underwood song about sums it up and makes me cry every time-
I will see you again, oh
This is not where it ends
I will carry you with me, oh
Till I see you again

Words help fill me up. Probably why I like to blog and read blogs. I believe words can help heal too. There is so so much love, pure joy and happiness, anxiety, stress, and sadness inside me at once that I feel like I could burst at the seams at times and reading helps me sort it all out. And some times it's just nice to be reminded of things we already know.
-We can't wait for harvest time to be happy. Just like we can't wait for the trips to Disney Land and vacations and a raise to be happy. We just can't. We deserve so much more happy than a single day can offer. That would mean hundreds of days of disappointment for one day of joy. It's hard sometimes... so hard. The in between when we see nothing but dirt. But it's worth it. You can do it. Look for beauty in the dirt. -Krissy at Greyson and Parker Blog

Happiness can be a choice. Matter what be happy today, I will. It might take me a minute after working late and only getting a couple hours of sleep but I will......