I'm angry and feel better already

I think I have finally come to terms with a lot of things rattling around in my head. Maybe that's why I've been feeling so good lately. While visiting my Dad in rehab we attended an Al-Anon meeting and it was kind of enlightening. Although I thought it was silly at the time, it is all about you and not the individual with the substance abuse problem. It teaches you to do what you have to do for you. Make yourself happy, don't let your happiness be dependent on the abuser and their problem. It got me thinking, I don't need to carry around everyone else's problems, I have enough on my plate. I like to think I can fix everything, but I can't. I need to let my Dad take care of his problems and I need to let my Mom rest with her problems. It is very free-ing, I feel lighter already. I have also come to terms with why I am so angry with my Mom. I am angry that her actions caused me to miss out on the short time she had left on this earth. She robbed me and her grand babes of the last healthy months she had before the surgery. Nothing can change that and I can be mad. Sometimes very angry, sometimes sad, sometimes tears, sometimes everything. My kids should have more memories of Grandma before she was sick, I should of had one last summer with my mom. I can't be sad anymore over things out of my control. I hope eventually my gut and heart will follow. I miss my mom so much and love her. It feels ridiculously complicated to be so angry and have so much love. I'm angry because there IS so much love. For those who have angel mothers that were saints on earth, grieving must be so uncomplicated. Not easy, definitely not easy, very very very hard, but uncomplicated. I want everything in my life to be less complicated. I guess that starts with me letting go of the bad and embracing ALL the good (I have a TON of good). I feel better already.