Mom, I wish you could know me now

As time goes on, one of the hardest parts about you not being here is all of the things that you have missed. So much time has gone by, things have changed so much and sometimes I feel like you don’t even know the person that I am anymore.

I’m different. I’ve grown a lot since you were here. I’ve overcome a lot of challenges and started to find my way. I’ve made a lot of mistakes. I’ve had a lot of triumphs. All of the good and the bad have led me to this person.

This would have been such a great time for us. I know we would be such great friends. You wouldn’t be just my mom, but the older I get, we would have become so much more.

I grow more and more into you every day. Everyone notices it. It’s great; because you were the best person I’ve ever known. I am so proud of the fact that I am becoming more like you.

But it’s also heartbreaking because you don’t get to know this part of me. It’s heartbreaking because I know there is so much that we are missing out on, together.
Sometimes it seems like forever since you’ve been gone.
Sometimes, it seems like the days that we spent together were lifetimes away.

That’s the hardest part. The thought that I am growing into someone new. The fact that even though I am doing well and becoming the person I was meant to be, it isn't the same person I was when you were alive.

It makes the fact that you are gone seem that much more permanent. It makes the fact that you are gone so very real.

I can only hope you are still with me. I can only hope you are proud of the person I have become.

By: Christie Lynn


This time of year is always the most sad, the holidays and her birthday, and time of year of her surgery. I wish I had more time with my mom. I also I wish I had more pictures of my mom and me, as a kid and an adult. Nothing I can do about that.... I've decided I'm going to start taking selfies with my kids every month and post them here. I don't love pictures of myself but I want my kids to see pictures of us together and remember the times we spent together. As of late life seems so fleeting, at least we'll always have this one thing to remind us how happy and lucky we are.