December 16th

The month of December reminds me of so many things- Christmas decorations, dark rainy nights, homemade butter toffee, holiday shopping, the smell of a fresh cut tree, crazy Christmas eve parties at my parents house, being with family, my Mom's birthday (December 16th). I miss my mom. More than anything I just miss hanging out with my mom. She'd come up and help me with the kids if Brad was away for the weekend. We'd hang out and play with the kids, make dinner, laugh. Just totally normal everyday stuff. She would do anything for the kids and I. She'd go all day until she was exhausted to make our lives easier, buy us way more stuff than we need, pamper us, love us. We had our moments but 99% of time was just normal everyday picture perfect stuff. I miss that. I realized the other day Abi has almost lived longer without her silly grandma than she did with her. Ben doesn't even remember her since he was only one. Almost three whole years have passed and so much has changed, the kids were just babies and Cate wasn't even close to being on the radar. If only she could see them now, if only she could meet Cate and hold her. Not as her disabled, blind, post-stroke self, but in her pre-surgery state. That would be amazing. She's missing out on chubby baby thighs and melt your heart gummy smiles, Abi's sweet hugs, and Ben's kisses. That's what's so sad for me, everything she's missing and all the love the kids are missing and I'm missing not having us all together. Your mom is Christmas is morning, and it's true. Your mom is comfort, and I miss that comfort so much. Happy birthday in heaven mom, hope you have a fabulous day with Gram and Kathy. Love and miss you so much.