Sorry I've been too bummed to write about anything. We had a hot sunny weekend at the lake, Abi's last day of school, we joined a pool, and the baby room is close to being ready but I have no camera to takes pictures with and no heart to write with. The tears finally quit coming and the anger set in but I have no one to direct it towards so it just eats away at me. I look at my neighbors as suspects and strangers as enemies. How can we lose so much and just go on pretending everything is ok? How do I deal with the guilt of wanting nothing more than to stay home with my kids but going to work to make our lives better just to have everything we work so hard for taken? I'm sure it will make us stronger and better somehow but I can't see the light. I can't appreciate any of the good which kills me. I am blinded by all the awfulness life has to offer so I don't know if I'll be blogging much for a while. Hopefully I'll be back soon. Hopefully there will be a light at the end of the tunnel.