Pink or blue? Can't wait to find out!
Stuff that made me laugh this week-
Realizing my underwear are on inside out halfway through my work day. Not the first time, or the last I'm sure :)
Finding out when I take I yoga pants off at the end of a long day running errands including getting the kids from school (yes in my yoga pants, no shame) that I have a Lara bar that I ate for breakfast stuck to my behind.
Ben calling his man parts his "bunny rabbit".
Laughing at myself as I try to do the body roll at zumba class, there is a reason pregnant ladies shouldn't dance.
Also laughed about this article I saw someone post on FB: (except less consoling more yelling)
How To Put A Toddler To Bed In 100 Easy Steps
1. Announce that it's time to go to bed.
2. Wait for your them to stop crying.
3. Explain that bedtime is not a punishment.
4. Explain that bedtime is not a new concept.
5. Explain that, yes, bedtime will happen every night.
6. Console them.
7. Announce that it's still bedtime.
8. Let your them know that we don't call names in this house.
9. Tell your them it's time to go upstairs.
10. Watch your them move at a snail's pace.
11. Wait for your them to stop crying.
12. Pick them up.
13. Walk them upstairs.
14. Pick out the wrong pair of pajamas.
15. Pick out another wrong pair of pajamas.
16. Explain that the right pair of pajamas are in the wash.
17. Explain that you will not be doing a load of laundry this evening.
18. Console your them while he/she cries.
19 Explain that in this house we don't call names.
20. Watch your them struggle to get into his/her pajamas.
21. Ask if you can help.
22. Continue watching your them struggle.
23. Watch them try to wear a pair of pants like a shirt.
24. Console them.
25. Put the wrong pair of pajamas on them.
26. Announce that it's time to brush teeth.
27. Explain the benefits of dental hygiene.
28. Console them.
29. Carry your them into the bathroom.
30. Put a microscopic amount of toothpaste (poison) onto the toothbrush.
31. Wet toothbrush.
32. When your them opens his/her mouth 1/45th of an inch wide, attempt to clean teeth.
33. They will attempt to spit in the sink, but will actually spit on the counter. Clean it up.
34. Console them.
35. Ask your them to pick out two books.
36. They will pick out the two longest books in your home.
37. Read the first line of every third page of the two books.
38. Field unrelated questions and interruptions.
39. Tell them it's time for a good night kiss.
40. They will be suddenly and urgently thirsty, give them a small drink of water.
41. They will ask a question. Answer question.
42. Say "good night" and give kiss.
43. They will ask for a hug. Give hug.
44. They will take up a sudden interest in potty training and ask to use the bathroom. It's poop.
45. Help them in the bathroom. Notice that there is no poop.
46. They may become afraid. Assure toddler that there is nothing to be afraid of.
47. They will ask a question about life. Answer question.
48. They will need another hug and kiss. Give hug and kiss.
49. He/she needs to urinate. Help them in the bathroom. Notice they actually urinates.
50. They require a sticker for urinating successfully.
51. Put a sticker on potty chart.
52. They may want to tell you a brief 10-minute story. Listen to story while backing out of the room.
53. Turn off the light.
54. They remember that he/she needs a special stuffed animal.
55. Ask where the stuffed animal is.
56. They tell you it's in the car. Find your keys and look in the car. It's not there.
57. Look in the living room.
58. Look in the kitchen.
59. Look in the backyard.
60. Scout the neighbor's property.\
61. Find the toy in their room, under the bed.
62. Ask them if he/she knew the toy was under their bed.
63. They will ask for dinner. Explain that dinner ended hours ago.
64. They will cry that he/she is hungry. Explain that he/she should have eaten dinner.
65. Explain that we do not call people in this house names.
66. They will ask for hug and kiss. Hug and kiss toddler.
67. They will ask you to help arrange his/her pillows and blankets. Arrange pillows and blankets.
68. They will ask you three essay questions. Answer them.
69. They will notice that the tag end of the blanket is next to his/her face and will kick it off. Fix blanket, this time with care and precision.
70. They will ask for the hall light on. Turn on the hall light.
71. They will ask for another story. Explain that there will be no more stories.
72. They will ask what the plan for tomorrow is. Resist the urge to say, "I won't be here. I'm running away tonight."
73. Tell them "good night."
74. They will say his/her back, legs or butt is itchy.
75. At your discretion, try to relieve itchiness through lotion or wipes.
76. Put back in bed.
77. Arrange blanket in the proper formation.
78. Say good night.
79. They will say "good night."
80. As you reach the door, they will inform you that he/she is not wearing socks.
81. Choose the wrong pair of socks.
82. Choose another wrong pair of socks.
83. Choose the right pair of socks for them.
84. Put the right pair of socks the wrong way on their feet.
85. Put the right pair of socks the wrong way on their feet.
86. Get the right pair of socks the right way on their feet.
87. Use your last thread of energy to stand.
88. Say "good night."
89. They will say "good night."
90. As you leave the room, they will ask for a sip of water with pathetic sad look on face.
91. Give them sip of water and beg to be released from this Hades.
92. They will ask for a back rub/tapping.
93. Tap their back until you lose feeling in your arm and your toddler seems tired.
94. Slowly stop tapping. Stand up. Try to float out of the room.
95. They will look at you. Say, "it's time to go to bed."
96. If he/she cries, pretend to be serious this time.
97. Say "good night."
98. Act like you're walking downstairs but just linger by the door, out of sight.
99. Pray.
100. Walk downstairs.
You may now relax for 2-5 minutes before you're called back in. Congrats!
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