Daphne

I went to Sky Nursery today to spend the gift card my coworkers gave me to buy something to plant in honor of my mom. I had already decided on a daphne because my mom had one planted by her front door and they have very fragrant flowers (similar smell to a lilac) that bloom in early spring. She always told me I should plant one but I hadn't gotten around to it. Also, the daphnes were blooming when she passed on March 20th along with the flowering plum trees. Every spring they will remind me of her in a good way. The daphne only took up part of my gift card so I spent the rest on every flower I could think of that reminded me of my mom. I have a big day of planting ahead of me tomorrow (so I'm sure it will rain). Both my grandma and mom loved gardening so I hope my garden can look as good as theirs would (in their honor). I'll post some picks after I'm done.

As of lately, I've decided to just cry whenever the moment strikes me and not let my sadness weigh me down. It has been working and I felt really good all weekend. But now I'm definitely feeling sad again, I guess there will be lots of ups and downs on this road. I'm so happy she was here with me for as long as she was but I'm so sad because she should still be here for another 20-30 years. I remember the last time I saw my mom before the surgery and she was crying when we said goodbye and she said "At least Abi will remember me". She was always a dramatic person so I told her she was being silly, now here we are. Will Abi remember her? Their relationship was so special and the love Abi and Ben will miss out on kills me the most right now. They brought her so much happiness and she loved them so much, no one can fill that place for them. Loss and pain change everything. How will it change me? I'm not sure yet but I feel it happening.

My favorite blogs of the day:

http://momastery.com/blog/2012/04/30/miracle-week/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=miracle-week

http://bissingfamily.com/2012/04/29/thoughts-to-ponder/