Blue Lake Resort

Or as I like to call it The Dust Bowl. It is a beautiful lake but dusty. Everyone had fun covered in a layer of grime and dirt. The wind picked up the last day and created a dirt wind storm. Couldn't complain about the weather though, it was hot most of the day and the sun was out. 

This face cracks me up.

Sweet boy

All the kids said there favorite part of the weekend was going for rides on the jet ski.

Ben and Lucas are buds.                          

These girls had a blast together.

I think Abi spent about half of each day on a swing.

Abi didn't want to go for a ride with Dad on the jet ski but she loved to play on it.

 Silly face

Hilie Jean

                   Lucas is adorable!!!!

Poor Ben fell face first out of one of trailers and landed on his nose.

If it hadn't been for traffic it would have been a perfect weekend. It was the first time Abi didn't want the weekend to end, she didn't want to go home she wanted to stay and play with friends. -So did I...

Last Day of School

Last day of school today, sad. It is so much easier to go to the grocery store and Costco with just one. I guess I'm stuck with both little boogers all summer, lots of play dates will be required. Cedar Cross was a great experience for us. Abi made good progress this year and made lots of friends. Finally on the last couple days of class she actually started talking to the teacher. She's starting to come out of her shell a little, gaining confidence, and learning to interact in a group. On to Pre-K next year, we are doing the afternoon class so we can sleep in and not stress in the morning-ahhhh..... Looking forward to it already ;)

This is the best picture I could get this morning.

It completely breaks my heart when such awful things happen to my blaugher friends. This family is in my prayers.

http://thecondonstory.blogspot.com/2012/05/bennett-craig-condon.html

Life is brutiful

I waited until everyone was in bed on Mother's Day to watch videos of my mom with the kids. A video of Abi kissing her open heart surgery scar to make it better, videos from Christmas, videos from before the stroke (which are my favorite). I didn't realize how much it would hurt to watch them, it was like reliving the heartache all over again. The day of the funeral, first day back at work, and Mother's Day with the family weren't so bad because I was expecting it to hurt and was prepared for the worse. It's the days I don't see it coming like the days following Mother's Day that took me by surprise with grief. Waking up that Monday morning with bags under my eyes to big to cover up but everyone politely ignored. My mom was the person I called for everything and she was always there, now there's just nothingness. There is nothing that can ever replace her role in my life. Your mom is your world when you are little, then you grow up but she is still the safety net to catch you when you fall. The only thing I find comfort in is talking to her up in heaven, "Mom, I had an steamed artichoke for dinner, hope you can have one up there", "Abi and Ben are getting so big, Ben is talking up a storm, and we miss you so much", "You are missing out on a lot of beautiful May weather down here, hope you are sitting in the sun up there." I miss her support, anything I needed and she was there to help. I miss her openness, devotion, and love. I am thankful I come from a family where we speak honestly and love deeply, and are a little crazy-but we'd be too boring otherwise. Glennon from Momastery is right, life is brutiful. Mom's die, babies get sick and die, but somehow life is still good and sometimes beautiful.

Daily sillies

This is what happens when Brad gives the kids a bath. Abi's bath baby gets

a mustache and a sleeve of tats.

Ben in his peanuts shirt.

Happy Mothering Day

My family I miss so much today.

(fam dam from left to right) Sister, Mom, Aunt, Grandma, and me

Dang, we are some hot blondies!

I'm glad last year I really did appreciate the time I spent with my mom on Mothers Day, see last years post (below). Today, I am wearing the ring my mom gave me last year. Some how it was one of the only things not stolen when our house was broken into last December and all my jewelery was taken.

http://bigsisterandlilmister.blogspot.com/2011/05/little-piece-of-perfect.html

By Glennon (from Momastery)

Mother’s day is an easy day for me. I have a mother who is as close to an angel as they come.  She is by my side, literally or figuratively, every second of every day. She believes that there is NOTHING I can’t do. I have three healthy kids, so far. As far as mothering goes, today is uncomplicated for me.
But I have learned that for most folks, today is NOT uncomplicated. Because there are Monkees who have mommies that are gone. Or were never there. Or were there, but hurt them. There are Monkees whose older children are lost to depression or addiction. Whose young children are sick and not getting better. Whose children have died. Who have spent decades trying but haven’t had their children yet. There are Monkee adoptive mamas who lost their adoptions this year. There are birth mamas who gave birth and then offered another woman the ultimate gift and went home empty- armed.  There are Monkees who this very year, gave birth to babies who were already gone.
Mother’s day is brutal for many people, and I’m not going to be able to change that here. I’m just hoping that acknowledging it will help a bit.
I do want to try to explain my evolving definition of the word Mother. I am starting to understand that the word works better for me as a verb than a noun. Mothering is a choice we make, like loving is a choice.  We do not need to have given birth or to have signed adoption papers to Mother. To Mother, to me, means to nurture. To heal, to help grow, to give. And so anyone and everyone who is involved in the healing of the world is a Mother.  Anyone who tends to a child, or friend, or stranger, or animal or garden is a Mother. Anyone who tends to Life is a Mother. Today is a celebration of all the healers and hopers and lovers and givers and tend-ers.  In other words- today is for every single one of you Monkees.

I love the post above. I have so much sadness but there are many that suffer worse than me. I always knew how much my mom loved me and she took good care of me. Today I want to celebrate the time we had with our mom and my beautiful sister who almost lost her life becoming a mommy (and just had open heart surgery 2 months ago). Thank god we have each other. And thank you to everyone who has helped mother me especially now that my mommy is gone. To my girls up in heaven- Mommy, Grammy, and Kathy love you so much, see you again someday. Mom-thanks for being such a great mother and strong woman and teaching me everything I need to know to be a good mom myself. My goal for the next year is to keep the memories alive and although my kids may not remember much about my mom I can teach them and help us all remember. 

Mothers Day poem by Tina Fey (too funny)

http://momastery.com/blog/2012/05/13/a-prayer-for-all-mothers/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=a-prayer-for-all-mothers

Trouble

This is where I find Ben about 10 times a day.

Trouble loves company

Payback?

Our first born Abigail is such a blessing in ours lives, and such a pill. She wakes up in the morning and says "Good morning momma, I love you, can I give you a hug?" -she so melts my heart with love and warmth. Then about 10 seconds later screams at me that I did not put enough milk in her cup, throws it on the ground and it spills and sprays everywhere -seriously child, what is wrong with you? My daily life is filled with so much love for these little nuggets I can't stand it, immediately followed by so much frustration I can barely stand it, feeling a little bad about myself that I might not be handling the difficult situations the best possible way, to I'm too tired to think anymore -good night. It is mentally draining life!!!! Somehow writing about it helps recharge my batteries and possibly helps keep me sane. Motherhood calls for large amounts of mental stamina, I guess the most important jobs are often the hardest and the most rewarding.

At times I wonder if I was given a difficult child as payback, possibly, I wasn't always the best child. Or it is to teach me something? I hope it teaches me how to be a better person but most of the time I feel like I'm too busy beating myself up about something to learn. What I do know is that I need to listen more and not feel guilty for doing the best I can. I was an overly sensitive and emotional child, I couldn't even watch ET without sobbing, and this made life difficult for me and my parents at times growing up. But it turns out that something I hated about myself when I was young brings me compassion, love, and happiness as a grown up (and maybe the ability to write about my feelings?). I can only hope for the same for Abi.

The pain of losing my Mom and Grandma and Aunt all in the past 3 years is with me every minute of everyday. I think it has become permanently ingrained into my being. It is a part of me now. The more I remember and think about them the better I feel. I remember my Grandma holding Abi as a newborn, The Belly Button book my Aunt gave Abi for her first b-day, and my mom moving in with us for a month to help me after Ben was born. All the strong women I grew up with are gone and it feels like my family is no more. No more big family partys at my Mom's on Christmas Eve. Mom's are the glue that hold everything together. Now I know why people have big families because it is so nice to always be surrounded by people you love that love you.

Lovely............

Overhearing Abi say, "Ben wait right here don't move, let me go get a diaper".

We started a good behavior chart for Abi last week, if she's well behaved for a day then she gets a sticker on it. When she gets 10 stickers she gets a toy. It still doesn't have any stickers on it.

We made $85 at the Mill Creek garage sale! But spent way more than that at Ikea the night before.

We had a really nice weekend working around the house, not so much relaxing as productive but it felt good to get a lot done. I finally got all my new plants planted, now they just need to grow! 

Brad built a fence to keep the dog from eating everything in the garden and so the chickens can have room to roam.

I think they look pretty excited.......

This is my mom's old rocking chair and I didn't want to give it away but had no where to put it so Brad had the brilliant idea to paint it and make it an outside chair, perfect! 

Retail therapy, new Ikea lamp

Husband made me a place to hang my jewelry.