(Hope you like the new blog template, I'm been wanting to change it forever, but just finally got around to it.)

Lately I don't have time for anything, or maybe I mean everything. The day is over and it is dark out, it's 10pm, but I still wanted to work in the yard and take Maggie for a run, darn it. Oh well, my bed sounds much better anyway, maybe tomorrow I'll have time. My lack of energy and slow moving these days doesn't help. But it's impossible to rush when you are carrying so much emotional baggage (it's so much heavier than you think). I just want to sleep and eat, which lets me know I'm not normal, I would usually describe myself more as a hummingbird on crack. With my lack of motivation lately all I can think about is there is no way I can have it all, there is not enough time and I'm too tired anyway. Working out, going to the park, fun kid time, cleaning the house, ect. there is not enough time for everything and the chub on my mid section isn't going to go away on it's own! I'm trying to be nice to myself, it's a hard time, I'm sad, and being mean to myself won't help. So chub on the midsection, since we'll be stuck together for a while, we might as well be friends and maybe it's OK not to 'have it all' as long as I can have my own little slice of happiness pie.

This is of course is more Momastery by Glennon, I just love her.
"1. You do not have to change in order to love yourself. You have to love yourself in order to change. That means embracing yourself completely, right now at this moment -as a bitter, scared, disorganized faithless mess. This is called radical self-love and we will be practicing it here. After you have learned to love yourself completely, just as you are- good change comes. Only then. Loooooove then change, not chaaaange then love. We must stop loving ourselves conditionally. We MUST stop being such jerks to ourselves. We must treat ourselves how we’d like others to treat us.

2. No one can have it all and people should just stop saying that already. I just listened to a woman give a speech the other day about how you CAN have it all. You can be a GREAT MOM and a SUCCESSFUL BUSINESSWOMAN and a SEXPOT with your husband and a SOCIAL BUTTERFLY and THERE! You have it all! (Apparently, those four things are It All) IIIIIIII have it all, she said. Look at me! If I can do it, so can you! I watched her dispassionately, eating my gigantic bowl of popcorn. I’m sure she meant well, but I kept thinking: you don’t have it all, lady. For example: you’re not a fisherman. Fishermen get up before sunrise and pull on their plastic gear and head out onto the bay before anyone in the whole world has woken up. They glide through the water and they sit, and they wait, and they work, and they watch the sun rise over the water and they say good morning to God first. And that is their slice of happiness. Made just for them. Not you, not her, not me.

Each of us has our own slice of happiness, and nobody, but NOBODY, gets the whole happiness pie. After Rebecca Sono won her second gold medal, she said that her strategy was to “keep her mind in her own lane and not worry about what the others are doing.” Brilliant, Rebecca. We just get our own lane and there is enough brutal and beautiful ahead of and behind us. You can’t have her lane and she can’t have yours. Nobody has it all. We each just have our own lane of the big old pool and our own slice of the happiness pie, and that is quite enough. Others will have things and experiences and successes that weren’t meant for us. Vice versa. Good design. I don’t want it all. I’m sufficiently enthralled and exhausted just finishing my own lap in my own lane, thank you very much.

3. Don’t go to a park with your four year old, buy her a gigantic soft serve ice cream cone, and then deposit her directly on the merry go round. Just don’t. Bad news, bears."