It feels so wrong that my mom is gone. It feels wrong to be at her house and not have her there, it feels wrong to not talk to her on the phone, it feels wrong that it is summer and she's not here. It feels wrong to be surrounded by all her things, pillows she sewed, old picture frames she loved, and she is not here. Life just feels all wrong. It's not supposed to be this way, this is not right. I think the universe made a mistake.

-Mom, you were supposed to get old and gray and be a little old lady. You were supposed to dance at Abi's wedding. You are supposed to be here because you're my mom. I cried uncontrolably the other night just like the day you left. I guess time hasn't put any space between me and the pain. Even with a zillion miles of time I don't think the pain will be gone. My stomach is always a little sick, tears are always threatening, life is different.

I wish I could at least say my Dad is doing well, but that's not the case. I usually say he's doing OK, but he's not. Can't say much for now and we'll know more soon.

This is staright from the Momastery blog, by Glennon. Somehow it gives me comfort.
"One more thing: my family is going through some health things right now which I won’t discuss in any more depth than to say that it sucks a bit. A lot. Life can be so hard. We are waiting for some test results right now and I fell asleep last night thinking about how I am totally sure it will be bad news. And then I woke up considering what a fraud I am, writing about faith when it is so clear to me that I have, like, none. When anything’s about to hit the fan, I’m always pretty sure it’s gonna be you know what. I never really believe we can pray bad things away. I don’t have that kind of faith. Bad things happen. God doesn’t protect us from them.

But then I thought that maybe I do have faith, it’s just a different kind of faith. I believe that shit happens. But that with the right eyes, ears, patience, and perspective, that shit can become Holy. I just read this quote from Robert Frost… “In three words I can sum up everything I know about life: it goes on.” I think that’s so beautiful. Makes me think about Anna’s Jack.

Right now, if I had to define life – it would be this: Holy Shit.
It’s all holy. All of it, especially the worst of it. I know this. Just gotta keep reminding myself."