Life altering is the best way to describe losing my mom. I carry the pain around with me, sometimes it feels so heavy I think it might crush me and the weight of it makes it hard to breathe. The sadness is always there so I just live with it and take it with me everywhere I go. It slows me down, makes it hard to get through the day and function like normal but I survive. I never know when the tears will come, they can take me by surprise. If only I could take all my sadness and do something productive with it but I don't know what and have no energy anyway. I want to make a scrap book of photos of my mom and stories about her for the kids and I to remember her so I guess I'll start with that. I've been told that it takes a year (a full cycle through all the holidays) before the hard part is over and I believe it. Time makes everything better, that's what everyone says and I believe it, but time will never fix my broken heart it will just make it easier to live with.