It's so hard to put into words the sadness in my heart. It's a sadness that will never fully heal because a part of me will always be missing. I often dream about my mom and when I wake I have to remind myself she is gone. She's everywhere in our house, she's the bath toys and bath towel she gave Abi as a baby, half of the kids clothes, the kids bedding, half my closet, she gave us so much because she loved us so much. Every room in our house has something that reminds me of her.

I'm devastated that my children will not grow up having my mom in their lives. I should be thankful that we had her in our lives as long as we did, but that feels impossible. I still need her and my kids need her, there is a big hole in our lives. Having small children definitely adds to the burden of sadness, I carry my own pain and sorrow, and my children's. There is nothing that compares to the love of a mother and no one will ever love me as much as she did. A mother is a place to run, a place to be comforted, a place to vent your problems and not be judged, a back up plan for the unexpected, the only completely safe and loving place in the whole world.

I try to live my life with appreciation for everything and everyone I love everyday and never take anything for granted, but I feel like I may have failed. So many words left unsaid, and love that I'm not sure I always showed. She taught us so much and maybe her final lesson to us by leaving was to remind us to live life to it's fullest, be happy, and love because you never know what the future holds.