I wish had something, anything else to write about but since my mom is back in the hospital I just feel like I'm wearing a heavy coat of sadness. Over the weekend she had a high fever off and on and was losing coordination and motor function and just rapidly declining so my dad took her the emergency room. At first they diagnosed her with possible bacterial spinal meningitis (which is serious sh_t). The next day they thought maybe she had viral meningitis, but finally they determined she was septic with Staph aureus in her blood and probably has endocarditis (bacteria growing on her heart value). I HATE being so helpless, I can't go visit her, or do anything to help. It's just the worst feeling in the world wanting to there for my mom and not being able to do anything. It breaks my heart a little everyday. When you have small children and their needs outweigh everything else, what do you do? It just sucks. My mom can't even feed herself so when my dad isn't at the hospital, which he can't be every minute of the day, are the nurses really feeding her? She's already ridiculously skinny. Are they making sure she is comfortable and moving her like they should? Can my dad even hear everything the doctor is saying to him? I didn't realize how upset I was about the whole thing until someone at work asked me about my mom and I burst into tears. Today Abi said "Mommy don't cry you can hold my baby and kitty to make you feel better". I hope things get better soon.